From Wikimedia Commons
Shortly before I was to appear on Ancient Faith Today with Fr. John Whiteford, I accepted his invitation to have a brief phone conversation. Telling me about his background, he made an offhanded remark that some decades ago kids began going to “Children’s Church,” and they never left. The more I think about that remark, the more disturbed I become (and not just because I actually agree with Fr. John about something). I think the well-intentioned efforts to meet the worship needs of children has contributed to an increasing trend toward a narcissistic faith.
For those who are not familiar with the idea of Children’s Church, in a lot of Protestant churches, the children have their own worship service separate from the adults. They sing “This Little Light of Mine” and make paper mache Abels. That sort of thing.
This has been on my mind for a number of different reasons. One is that I still get comments on a post I wrote criticizing a Christian song that amounts to catchy heresy. (Theological content is barely considered in most contemporary Christian music.) The other reason is that I just finished listening to Things Not Seen Radio interview Thomas Bergler on his book The Juvenilization of American Christianity. I have not read the book, but in the interview Bergler says that the rise of youth-focused programs in the 1930s and 40s eventually contributed to a kind of Christianity lite, today.
Connor being blessed in front of the Kursk Root icon (photo courtesy of Philip Wilson).
I have seen this for myself. In my Protestant days, it always bothered me that people seemed to talk about what Jesus did for them. They would talk about how much they got out of mission trips. They would talk about worship that spoke to their souls. Call me crazy, but that seems kind of backwards to me. Isn’t the point about Jesus, Jesus? Since when do we go on mission trips to get something for ourselves? In many churches today, the point is more about having my needs met rather than cultivating a life of service to God and others for God’s sake.
Of course, I think it is too simple just to blame Children’s Church. Juvenile, Christian narcissism is just as much a product of American consumerism as it is “The Lord told Noah to build him an arky, arky.” (Actually, I like that song because it actually teaches kids a Bible story.) I also think it is right and reasonable to recognize that kids do have unique learning needs that the church needs to meet. A sermon might not be the best way for kids to learn, but that does not require having two different church services. I just have a hard time recognizing a difference between worship for kids and adults.
On Holy Friday at my church, the girls bring baskets of flower petals. When the congregation sings about the myrrh-bearing women, the girls go around the church scattering their petals everywhere. Of course, they also throw a lot of them directly at our priest.
Kids in church can be chaotic, and I will honestly say that sometimes I am glad when I am at church and my kids are somewhere else. It is a welcome change because I can actually pay attention (which I think is another motivating factor for Children’s Church), but I think that chaos can become a kind of holy play, which is how kids learn and worship best.
Well, how about this: today I am the “traditionalist!” Having been raised in the Russian Orthodox Church, we had no Children’s Church. Children went from receiving the Eucharist to “Sunday School,” but otherwise sat and/or played quietly together in the front of the church. I vividly recall my father’s graduated increase from 1) the sharp “psst”, to the 2) shoulder tap, to the 3) “snatch & out.” If children were present, they were at the Liturgy.
Fr. Alexander Schmemann wrote a small collection of articles for the OCEC (I think it is Orthodox Christian Education Committee) titled “Liturgy and Life,” and he wrote about the presence of infants and children in church, insisting that from their baptism, they are naturally gifted with a “cognizance” of where they are and in whose Presence they are. And I must say he was aggressively true to this belief in the chapel practice at the seminary. Someone had made a number of folding seats that the children carried to first step of the amvon, and if the seats ran out, they sat directly on the amvon. Frequently in the evenings, during Vigil, there were so many sleeping children on the floor, covered with a coat, that the Deacons incensing passed through a maze.
Slavs are notoriously intolerant of “fussy children” – sometimes their “fuss” over the “fussy child” was markedly worse – but I can’t tell you the number of times Fr. Alexander scolded parents for dragging their kids out of the chapel: “They will learn. For us, this is holy noise.” Sermons at SVS were ten minutes and under. Everyone. Always. It was the about the Gospel reading that preceded it. The kids learned, we learned, we are still around, the kids are still around – but older. Such is the pudding.
I think taking children out of Church at any point during the Liturgy is a bad idea, and starts heading in the direction of what this post is criticizing.
Absolutely agreed, Fr. John. I wasn’t until I was 13 years old – when church school for teens was held on Monday evening – that I began to figure out exactly how the Liturgy ended.
David, I found nothing to disagree with you on… just thought you might like to know…. :)
When I was a kid, maybe about 6, I remember hearing the pastor preach a sermon on the “Carnal Mind”, but at that time I thought he was talking about the Caramel Mine, and had visions of digging up Caramel clumps from such a mine. But I eventually figured out what he was talking about. The problem with the current approach to children’s ministry is that they aim for the level of kinds thinking of Caramel mines, and when they get older and figure it out, they figure that that was childish fantasy. Better to have kids eventually figure out that it was deeper than they thought, then more shallow then they thought.
“The problem with the current approach to children’s ministry is that they aim for the level of kinds thinking of Caramel mines, and when they get older and figure it out, they figure that that was childish fantasy.”
I totally agree! Having a poor children’s ministry could be just as damaging as not having one. But that doesn’t mean throwing the baby out with the bathwater. We do need to stop spoon feeding our kids the same Bible stories week after week without teaching them Scripture and what the doctrines of the church are. We need to teach them what it means to be a Christian. Do we teach our kids what the Trinity means? What the Incarnation means and why Jesus came down to us in the flesh? How is it that we obtain salvation? What does the word salvation even mean? Let’s give them some apologetics, too! Teach them why we believe what we believe! Think how easy it could be to explain to our children the ideas of such great thinkers like Thomas Aquinas by, for example, simply explaining Aquinas’ First Way! “Everything that moves, needs a mover – but you can’t go back forever – there has to be a First Mover”). All of these things can be explained to kids of elementary school age and older if we do so within the bounds of their levels of language and understanding so they get something out of it.
Fr. Whiteford – I don’t want the kids to have to eventually figure something out all on their own (what if they can’t or never do? They are kids after all.) “Better to have kids eventually figure out that it was deeper than they thought, then more shallow then they thought.” Better still – just tell them what you mean in a language they understand up front! Otherwise, they may just go through the motions not understanding what they are hearing Sunday after Sunday, and when they finally leave home, away from under their parents’ wings, many will simply choose not to return.
As you can tell, I have strong opinions on this :-) But it is only because of my own personal experience. During my pre-teen and early teen years, I attended a Roman Catholic church and hardly understood any of the Masses I attended. It got to the point I didn’t even know most of what I was supposed to believe, let alone why I should believe it. I left the church after entering high school and wasted many, many years as an agnostic. Had I just had a good children’s ministry that taught me Christianity in ways I, as an 11, 12, 13 year old child, could understand, I may have gone a different path. As it is, I did rediscover Christianity but it took many wasted years before I got here again. I don’t want my kids, or any kid, to fall into the same trap I did.
This is where a Church school comes into play. In a Sunday School class, you can talk on the level of the children… but you should not aim low, as if often done. Kids are capable of a lot more than most adults give them credit for. But as David says, nothing in the worship service, including the service, should be dumbed down.
I meant to say “including the sermon”
I must respectfully disagree. It sounds like you are talking “out of both sides of your mouth.” (is there a polite way to say that? :) Perhaps I’m wrong, but let me explain. First, you complain about the idea of Children’s Church, then say:
“I also think it is right and reasonable to recognize that kids do have unique learning needs that the church needs to meet. A sermon might not be the best way for kids to learn, but that does not require having two different church services. I just have a hard time recognizing a difference between worship for kids and adults.”
So you agree the sermon might not be the best way for kids to learn, but does not require having two services. How can you have a hard time recognizing the difference between adult and kid services but at the same time recognize that a major part of the service (the homily or sermon) isn’t the best way for kids to learn? Isn’t that a difference right there? Isn’t at least part of the reason we go to services is to learn about God (allowing us to “love him with our mind”)?
To further attempt to make your point, you say:
“On Holy Friday at my church, the girls bring baskets of flower petals. When the congregation sings about the myrrh-bearing women, the girls go around the church scattering their petals everywhere. Of course, they also throw a lot of them directly at our priest.”
It’s great to have fun in church service! But I would ask how does this make them better Christians or help them love the Lord with “all their heart and with all their mind” or help them better understand their faith? Rather than put them in a service where they can understand what’s being said and why (not just the sermon – but the entire service!), you’d rather them throw petals everywhere. I know I’m sounding “cheeky”, but the point is that this sounds just as superficial as what you make Children’s Church out to be!
So, I would ask you – if Children’s Church is not the answer and that kids/adults must attend the same service, what is the solution? How do we get kids to understand what is going on in the service? Because without that, young minds wander, become intellectually disengaged and soon wonder what it is we are actually doing in church.
Part of our kids’ Sundays must be spent actually learning about the faith, Christian doctrines, Scripture and so forth (say, in a Sunday School program or a Children’s Church). If you just want to force your kids/youth to attend adult services without talking to them in a way in which their young and intellectually immature minds can understand, their hearts and minds won’t be in it. That’s just a fact. This happened to me as a child – because I didn’t understand a thing being said in church, I left once I hit high school and college. It took me decades to give Christianity a second look and only then because I had taken the responsiblity on myself to study Christianity on my own.
Let’s not throw our kids to the wolves in society and then, when we do get them into a church setting, we put them in a place where they are intellectually unable to comprehend the words being spoken to them and don’t understand what they are being taught. A child/youth simply can’t process the language of an adult Mass or church service. I know – I was once a kid that couldn’t understand a word of an adult Mass and it led me to leave. I now have kids who complain to me that they too don’t understand what is being said in adult services (we have children’s Sunday School/Children’s Church programs which they attend). We must allow our kids to worship in a way in which they can wholly participate, both in mind and spirit. When they reach their later teenage years/young adult status, then they should be more mature and intellectually ready to understand adult services.
I am typing from my phone, so I will keep this short.
I think the polite way is to say I am being inconsistent. (-: I would say I am being incomplete because my intention in this short post was to analyze a problem more than to offer an alternative. Actually, I think alternatives are the problem.
It might help to know that in my church sermons tend to be shorter than they are in the Protestant world. Kids color Bible story coloring books. My daughter reads her childre s Bible. Children learn through play, and I do not want to deny them play. But let them play at our feet and learn the rhythms of church while they are at it. (I think one big motivator for Childten having separate services is so that they do not bother their parents and other members of the congregation. If so, shame on us!) I think that is how we “teach” faith. We can only understand some things after we do them again and again and again.
I loved the warning about the pic at the top! :) I agree that children’s church has become as user-friendly as “big people church” has. There’s music and dancing and fun, and sometimes Jesus gets pushed to the side. I love the ways that the kids can be involved in our church – whether it’s as acolytes, Holy Myhrrbearers, touching the priest’s robe, helping make prosphora, or participating in something special for a feast – like the rose petals above or decorating Christ’s bier with flowers. All that said, I still sometimes I have an issue with things like VBS (or VCS) in the OC. My kids have gone to both Protestant and Orthodox VBS for the past couple of years and the Protestant one is usually more engaging, and they learn Scripture and Bible stories. I don’t understand why we can’t have a summer camp or VBS that deals with Scripture in the Orthodox Church. And I don’t understand why we can’t ever use technology. I think I’m in this space somewhere between both types of churches when it comes to kids.
I can sort of see why you might think Children’s Church has fostered selfishness (although I disagree that it has done so). But after reading your blog post here, I am sorry to say I have no idea how you think has contributed to narcissism. Are you sure you didn’t just mean selfishness?
Responding on my phone.
I think because it sends the message that what happens in church is basically all about me. Thus love of God becomes another way of loving self.